3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
