he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
