What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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