were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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