Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
