Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
