awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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