I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
