my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
