yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
