Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
