READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Holy sore nipples Batman
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
