I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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