First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
