Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
