does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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