too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
