Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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