I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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