my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
