Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
