when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
