the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
