if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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