Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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