I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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