So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
