i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
