I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
