The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
