Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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