I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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