I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
