Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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