Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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