two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
