Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
