lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
