You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
