We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
