That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
