obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
