honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
