Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
