it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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