saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
