cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
