I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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