Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
