Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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