After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I still have a little drunk in my system
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
