I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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